And then there is the whole "me being a real person with actual feelings" part...
------
Poetry is cool.
No really, the kids are into it these days.
I was as surprised as you, to go to an auditorium at Brandeis and see it filled with upwards of 1000 undergrads all whooping, clapping and standing in ovation to Poets!
Ok, so I am from NH and went to a state school there. We were not devoid of poetry. I took a very small number of amazing and intense poetry classes and was introduced to the concept of 'slam' . I was moved, and grooved and seduced by the words of the pissed off youth of the back woods in the hidden basement darkness of the campus center, a room much smaller than my apartment, with at most 15 tables that were never filled.
The appreciation of the students at Brandeis in and of itself was as inspiring as the poets, baring their souls, their insecurities, their hopes and weaknesses.
I left wondering what is harder... shooting a gun and taking a life, or asserting your own life in front of a room full of strangers. The answer may not be as easy as I would like to believe.
------
And while I am at it I may as well stay up late every night thinking too much about everything and everyone that I allow or do not allow into my life. I may as well go through every harsh truth ever spoken to me by the people that know me best and every subtle insinuation spoken by those who don't know me at all.
Because I don't seem like the type to stay up late thinking about things, I guess.
------
Other thoughts include, but are not limited to;
1.The window insulation that is designed to saran wrap your home like leftover egg salad is one of the biggest pains in the behind that I ever had the privilege of spending my money on.
2. I do feel as though the heavens have blessed me, in many ways, but today, as Julie and I sat on our couch eating my delicious pizza and complaining about how badly we wished a Jane Austen movie was on, we happened upon Northhanger Abbey on PBS. What a delight!
3. Amy says, "and by heaving I mean heavy things" when discussing seasonal depression and that "depression is a lack of expression", so to get those pens, paints, arms moving...
4. The Wind Up Bird Chronicles is quite good.
5. I need a dining room table by Feb 2.
6.http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qybte00VgWE
7.http://youtube.com/watch?v=oQ_o660d0oc&feature=related
Monday, January 21, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
You know its winter when...
I listen to Joni Mitchell pretty much constantly when I am alone and lately I prefer to be alone in wool socks and PJs with coffee and book in hand, than struggle through the shattered glass air of the outer world with all its crazy inhabitants. The good news is that I've stepped out of my 'I can't seem to finish a page, never mind a book' slump and am actually plowing through some good literature.
Lately I've not only been dreaming nightly dull workplace dreams, but the dull workplace series has challenged me with a meeting of my ex lovers*. Night after night I am pouring coffee for men who are chilly and oblivious at best, or warmly telling me they are marrying their current girlfriend and introduce me to her parents, at worst.
I've realized in my life thus far that when I start to dream workplace dreams, or ex lover dreams for that matter, that it is indeed time to pack my bags and move. Or at least plan a sunny styled vacation.
I will be heading westward to Denver in the coming months to check in on my darling Jack, the most perfect dog in the world, as well as my sister and brother-in-law. I think Jack is having dreams of me lately. Yes, that's what I think.
But I need something a little more exotic and passport worthy to cure me of this winter introspection. Someplace, perhaps to practice my espanol! Si, Julie and I began to hablas espanol this week! The first class was fantastic and fun and I think highly necessario given that I never was explained the basics of pronunciation. I want to pronounce things with the lilting harmony of the Italian language... and yet that is all wrong. All wrong. This is the basico class and though I probably know most of the vocabulary and phrases that we will learn, I will finally learn to pronounce things correctly and won't have to nervously answer "Bene!" when really I mean "Bien".
Last evening I went to the Lesley University open house for their Intercultural Relations M.A. program. It was fairly informative and interesting. It has been so long since I've put entered an intellectual institution and it was slightly exciting to be around so many enthusiastic academics. This program seems pretty practically based and self designed and their graduates have gone on to do many different things. I had a thrilling moment when one advisor told me that most people did not come into the program knowing what they wanted to do (Yes! Yes!) and that was preferable because it allowed for growth and exploration. And it would help me fulfill my New Year's resolution to figure out my life. At $765 a credit though, a grad program is something I should probably be pretty sure of.
~~~~~
* I've decided recently after many conversations with womenfolk that 'Lover' is preferable and a more accurate description than 'Boyfriend'. I've received far too many punches in the arm and screams of distress when teasingly I refer to friend's male-friends as their boyfriend. It is an ugly term, or at least one in which most men do not reach in the way that women need or want. 'Lover' seems to decrease expectation, allows for freedom on both sides, and, in theory, protects those little pink hearts of ours.The women I know are not searching for men to buy them diamond rings or boxes of chocolate. They don't want the house in the 'burbs and $3000 baby carriages. Perhaps a term tinged with a bit of sadness, 'Lover' is the equivalent to the Sweet n' Sour sauce at a Chinese restaurant.
The Last Time I Saw Richard -J Mitchell
The last time I saw richard was detroit in 68,
And he told me all romantics meet the same fate someday
Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe
You laugh, he said,
you think youre immune, go look at your eyes
Theyre full of moons.
You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you
All those pretty lies, pretty lies
When you gonna realise theyre only pretty lies
Only pretty lies, just pretty lies
He put a quarter in the wurlitzer, and he pushed
Three buttons and the thing began to whirr
And a bar maid came by in fishnet stockings and a bow tie
And she said drink up now its getting on time to close.
Richard, you havent really changed, I said
Its just that now youre romanticizing some pain thats in your head
You got tombs in your eyes, but the songs
You punched are dreaming,
Listen, they sing of love so sweet, love so sweet
When you gonna get yourself back on your feet?
Oh and love can be so sweet, love so sweet
Richard got married to a figure skater
And he bought her a dishwasher and a coffee percolator
And he drinks at home now most nights with the tv on
And all the house lights left up bright.
I'm gonna blow this damn candle out
I dont want nobody coming over to my table
I got nothing to talk to anybody about.
All good dreamers pass this way some day
Hiding behind bottles in dark cafes
Dark cafes
Only a dark cocoon before I get my gorgeous wings
And fly away
Only a phase, these dark cafe days
Lately I've not only been dreaming nightly dull workplace dreams, but the dull workplace series has challenged me with a meeting of my ex lovers*. Night after night I am pouring coffee for men who are chilly and oblivious at best, or warmly telling me they are marrying their current girlfriend and introduce me to her parents, at worst.
I've realized in my life thus far that when I start to dream workplace dreams, or ex lover dreams for that matter, that it is indeed time to pack my bags and move. Or at least plan a sunny styled vacation.
I will be heading westward to Denver in the coming months to check in on my darling Jack, the most perfect dog in the world, as well as my sister and brother-in-law. I think Jack is having dreams of me lately. Yes, that's what I think.
But I need something a little more exotic and passport worthy to cure me of this winter introspection. Someplace, perhaps to practice my espanol! Si, Julie and I began to hablas espanol this week! The first class was fantastic and fun and I think highly necessario given that I never was explained the basics of pronunciation. I want to pronounce things with the lilting harmony of the Italian language... and yet that is all wrong. All wrong. This is the basico class and though I probably know most of the vocabulary and phrases that we will learn, I will finally learn to pronounce things correctly and won't have to nervously answer "Bene!" when really I mean "Bien".
Last evening I went to the Lesley University open house for their Intercultural Relations M.A. program. It was fairly informative and interesting. It has been so long since I've put entered an intellectual institution and it was slightly exciting to be around so many enthusiastic academics. This program seems pretty practically based and self designed and their graduates have gone on to do many different things. I had a thrilling moment when one advisor told me that most people did not come into the program knowing what they wanted to do (Yes! Yes!) and that was preferable because it allowed for growth and exploration. And it would help me fulfill my New Year's resolution to figure out my life. At $765 a credit though, a grad program is something I should probably be pretty sure of.
~~~~~
* I've decided recently after many conversations with womenfolk that 'Lover' is preferable and a more accurate description than 'Boyfriend'. I've received far too many punches in the arm and screams of distress when teasingly I refer to friend's male-friends as their boyfriend. It is an ugly term, or at least one in which most men do not reach in the way that women need or want. 'Lover' seems to decrease expectation, allows for freedom on both sides, and, in theory, protects those little pink hearts of ours.The women I know are not searching for men to buy them diamond rings or boxes of chocolate. They don't want the house in the 'burbs and $3000 baby carriages. Perhaps a term tinged with a bit of sadness, 'Lover' is the equivalent to the Sweet n' Sour sauce at a Chinese restaurant.
The Last Time I Saw Richard -J Mitchell
The last time I saw richard was detroit in 68,
And he told me all romantics meet the same fate someday
Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe
You laugh, he said,
you think youre immune, go look at your eyes
Theyre full of moons.
You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you
All those pretty lies, pretty lies
When you gonna realise theyre only pretty lies
Only pretty lies, just pretty lies
He put a quarter in the wurlitzer, and he pushed
Three buttons and the thing began to whirr
And a bar maid came by in fishnet stockings and a bow tie
And she said drink up now its getting on time to close.
Richard, you havent really changed, I said
Its just that now youre romanticizing some pain thats in your head
You got tombs in your eyes, but the songs
You punched are dreaming,
Listen, they sing of love so sweet, love so sweet
When you gonna get yourself back on your feet?
Oh and love can be so sweet, love so sweet
Richard got married to a figure skater
And he bought her a dishwasher and a coffee percolator
And he drinks at home now most nights with the tv on
And all the house lights left up bright.
I'm gonna blow this damn candle out
I dont want nobody coming over to my table
I got nothing to talk to anybody about.
All good dreamers pass this way some day
Hiding behind bottles in dark cafes
Dark cafes
Only a dark cocoon before I get my gorgeous wings
And fly away
Only a phase, these dark cafe days
Monday, January 7, 2008
If only my heart could pour from the tap like beer...
Just one more night here in the sketchy part of Cambridgeport ruling over the pitiable basset named Cammy.
Pity;I've realized in recent months, is one of the most disgustable emotions. Unlike anger, greed, envy or guilt...pity comes without warning and without conscience of the self. I am angry and selfish, full of self doubt and arrogance, full of vanity and insecurity, full of greed and careless thoughts.
But tell me. If I am knowingly pitied, I will strap my passport to my breast and wander west. Or east. Or wherever the whims of bank accounts and foolish generosity may take me.
~~~~~~~
It is as if I have aged in the last few months.
Not in a negative sense.
No no, I feel better.
~~~~~~
I hate adults who use puny words for natural bodily functions.
You can tell a lot about a person by they way they talk about their beloved animal's shit.
Goodnight.
Pity;I've realized in recent months, is one of the most disgustable emotions. Unlike anger, greed, envy or guilt...pity comes without warning and without conscience of the self. I am angry and selfish, full of self doubt and arrogance, full of vanity and insecurity, full of greed and careless thoughts.
But tell me. If I am knowingly pitied, I will strap my passport to my breast and wander west. Or east. Or wherever the whims of bank accounts and foolish generosity may take me.
~~~~~~~
It is as if I have aged in the last few months.
Not in a negative sense.
No no, I feel better.
~~~~~~
I hate adults who use puny words for natural bodily functions.
You can tell a lot about a person by they way they talk about their beloved animal's shit.
Goodnight.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
The Post 2007 Post
I think for me there is a direct relationship between warm weather and creativity, inspiration and desire. Winter has a creepy way of sneaking inside me and boring me from the inside out. I'm not depressed, but certainly am less spirited than the summer version of myself. Maybe it is the layering... too much fabric is muffling my good intentions, or something.
Anyway. It is supposed to be the coldest night of the season tonight, below zero with the windchill. And that just sucks.
But enough complaining. Happy New Year everyone! I rang in the new year at a wonderful party with kind people, most of whom I never have hung out with before. I think it was a good sign for the year ahead, hopefully filled with new friends whose stories I will learn from.
2007 was a good year. Though the winter was endless, the summer too, was long and perfect. I don't remember a summer so full of sunny warm days and breezy nights. I don't remember watching so many sunsets or going for so many walks. My sister got married, which was one of the highlights not just in her life, but in the history of our family. I traveled to Nicaragua and Costa Rica, I made a lot of interesting new friends and reconnected with old ones. I also fell in love over and over again with lots of dogs.
And 2008 will be even better. Though my resolution is the same as every other year, to figure out my life, my lesser resolutions are all good and more attainable. I'd like to smile more. I'd like to make sure my friends know I appreciate them. I'd like to answer phone calls. I'd like to keep in better touch. I'd like to take it easy on myself. I'd like to learn Spanish. I'd like to be a kinder and more compassionate woman. I'd like to be better informed. I'd like to manage my money better. I'd like to laugh a lot.
Here's hoping it is a good year.
Anyway. It is supposed to be the coldest night of the season tonight, below zero with the windchill. And that just sucks.
But enough complaining. Happy New Year everyone! I rang in the new year at a wonderful party with kind people, most of whom I never have hung out with before. I think it was a good sign for the year ahead, hopefully filled with new friends whose stories I will learn from.
2007 was a good year. Though the winter was endless, the summer too, was long and perfect. I don't remember a summer so full of sunny warm days and breezy nights. I don't remember watching so many sunsets or going for so many walks. My sister got married, which was one of the highlights not just in her life, but in the history of our family. I traveled to Nicaragua and Costa Rica, I made a lot of interesting new friends and reconnected with old ones. I also fell in love over and over again with lots of dogs.
And 2008 will be even better. Though my resolution is the same as every other year, to figure out my life, my lesser resolutions are all good and more attainable. I'd like to smile more. I'd like to make sure my friends know I appreciate them. I'd like to answer phone calls. I'd like to keep in better touch. I'd like to take it easy on myself. I'd like to learn Spanish. I'd like to be a kinder and more compassionate woman. I'd like to be better informed. I'd like to manage my money better. I'd like to laugh a lot.
Here's hoping it is a good year.
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